The better the vacation, the worse the bandwidth. It’s a law.

Huge disruption in your schedule of daily activities.

Hourly encounter with non-human species.

The rest of the world, which isn’t on vacation, doesn’t stop sending you email.

Stephen King and Tom Clancy: ridiculous plots, stupid characters, a cliche a minute.

Bugs think they own your ass.

It’s someone else’s toilet.

If your real house hasn’t burned to the ground by now, it’s probably either been looted or infested with silverfish.

No matter how much you use, calamine lotion doesn’t work … and it tastes damn funny.

When you get back, people have no sympathy for what you’ve been through.

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