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Top, oh, 14 ways to tell you’re in a hip hotel

  1. It’s named a letter, a number, a letter or number spelled out as a word, or has some completely generic name, like “Hotel.”

  2. The entire staff at the reception desk put together weighs less than one standard American.

  3. Color in the lobby is taken as an affront to style.

  4. The minibar only has liquors you’ve never heard of, except for the beer which is Bud.

  5. Your room’s waste basket is so well-hidden that you don’t discover it until Day Three.

  6. They would rather let the shower flood the bathroom floor than put in a shower curtain or frosted door.

  7. There’s a full-length mirror in the shower.

  8. There’s a window to the outside in the shower. (Not only have I been in that hotel, but the window was frosted up to waist level. Holy sexist voyeurism, Batman!)

  9. Irregular furniture has sharp, shin-barking edges that are invisible at night.

  10. The pad of paper on the nightstand is made out of hemp and is accompanied by an old-fashioned pencil to encourage you to be authentic.

  11. The hotel restaurant (if there is one) only serves tiny, tiny food.

  12. If there is a concierge, and there probably isn’t, that person is called “city coach” or “wrangler,” or anything except “concierge.”

  13. If there is room service, the menu offers only kiddie food, but at adult prices: PB&J for $14, grilled American cheese on white bread for $18, and the mac ‘n’ cheese requires a credit check.

  14. The TV only gets ironic channels.

5 Responses to “Top, oh, 14 ways to tell you’re in a hip hotel”

  1. Mine in San Diego had rooms, including mine, on the same level as the outdoor pool and popular outdoor bar-dining area. Luckily the soundproofing was sufficient.

    You didn’t mention the usually high price to be hip, or did that go without saying?

  2. Lol. Better than having to hope you have tp and maybe a towel that won’t leave an abrasion because it is so rough. Been there. Done that…

    You have a great SOH. I bet it runs in the family.

  3. Club music in the lobby at 8am.

  4. Everything electric is controlled by an imitation of an iPad with an oddball interface. At the Aria in Vegas, when I wanted to cut on the lights, the drapes would open. I once slept through the night with the t.v. on because I couldn’t figure out how to cut it off. The alarm clock? Forget it.

  5. They’re sometimes not especially expensive, but I’ve noticed the mainstreaming of the pool, giving public areas a lovely splash of chlorine.

    Yes, round the clock club music, or up-tempo, melody free electronicism, unless those are the same thing.

    And, Jay, the infatuation with iPads (or near-iPads) is a very nice catch.

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