Pizza Philosophy
Socrates: The Extra Parmesanides
The unexamined pizza is probably still worth eating.
St. Augustine: Deep Dish Confessions
The mind commands the body and is instantly obeyed.
The mind commands itself and meets resistance.
The body commands pizza and it arrives within thirty minutes or it’s free. [“…ut servirem domino deo meo”]
Nietzsche: Thus Spake ‘Za-thruster, the Pizza Delivery Guy
The pizza that does not kill me makes me stronger.
If you gaze into a pizza, the pizza stares back at you. If you’re tripping balls.
Martin Heidegger: Being and Slices
“Dasein’s Being is always Being-toward-Pizza. Pizza stands before us as an ex-static project that discloses that which is Dasein’s ownmost, for no one can eat your pizza for you.”
Bonus for Librarians: Ranganathan’s Five Laws of Pizza Science
Pizzas are for use
For every eater, his pizza
For every pizza, its eater
Our warming oven saves time for the eater
Our pizzas are totally organic
Isaac Asimov: Three Rules of Pizzas
Suggested by Andromeda Yelton (@ThatAndromeda). Thanks!
A pizza may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
A pizza must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
A pizza must do ABSOLUTE NOTHING to protect its own existence as long as such lack of protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.
Categories: humor, philosophy dw
