Joho the Blog
An Entry from the Archives

Following on the heels of its successful one-month extension of Daylight Savings Time, the US Congress today lowered the national bedtime by one hour on weekdays and one and a half hours on weekends. U.S. Rep. Ed Markey (D-Mass.), who co-sponsored the bill, said that this would save 100,000 barrels of oil a day as people snapped off the lights sooner. And, he noted, "Everyone knows that most alcohol-related accidents occur after 11pm. We expect to save 12,000 lives a year from that alone."

A rider to the bill added at the last moment changes the extra day of Leap Year from February 29 to a second July 4th. "Now we'll have two days of national celebration every four years," said a possibly drunk Fred Upton (R-Mich.). "I think the greatest nation in history deserves it. Don't you?"