Joho the Blog
An Entry from the Archives

With yesterday's arrest of director Gus Van Sant for driving while under the influence, Olympia Dukakis becomes the last Hollywood personage not to be charged with the crime. The Academy Award winner's spokesperson last night said that Dukakis has no intention of getting arrested for drunk driving because she has "always been a non-conformist." Dukakis is also rumored to have a peptic ulcer that prevents her from drinking heavily. "She just doesn't want to support the neighborhood," sniped Mel Gibson, whose DUI arrests have had him contribute more than 35,000 hours of community service. "Ever since the Academy Award—for Moonfrickingstruck, for Christ's sake—she's suddenly too big to pick up trash alongside the highway."