Joho the Blog
An Entry from the Archives

A week ago, going through security, I was called to the side so that my overnight bag could be searched on a follow-up from the scan. The security person took out of my bag a Burt's Bees hand salve (that I'm confident is a solid) and told me I had to put it in my clear plastic bag. He did not open the tin of hand salve to be sure it was hand salve; he just told me to put it in my plastic bag. I did, and then I asked if I needed to go through security again. Nope. He sent me on my way to board my plane. Evidently we were all safer now that my questionable substance was in a plastic bag.

I myself carried a partially full 3 oz. bottle of Purell through TSA yesterday, and thankfully wasn't forced to use a one-quart bag or I, too, would have had to surrender it. My Burt's Bees lip balm was in my checked bag. I was most fearful for my SleepMate white noise machine (in a checked bag), since it looks scarily like some weird device. But it made it, at least on this leg of the trip.

Speaking of questionable attempts at prevention, what is the point of lugging around the Purell everywhere you go? As far as their claim that it kills 99.99% of germs, this doesn't address the issue of preventing viral illnesses, eg flu, colds, or hepatitis which are caused by non-living virus particles. What bacterial disease is the user afraid of? On one reseller's Web site it says that the FDA prevents them from making anti-viral claims. And, do you use it every time you touch something or someone?

Then what does it mean to say that your hands are "sanitized"? I'd be more afraid of eating the airline food.

With Purell costing about $1 per ounce, you're better off getting a bottle of Tanqueray gin (cheaper per ounce and same active ingredient). This way you could can carry a liquid that can serve multiple purposes.

Of course, if you fly anywhere else in the world except to/from/within the U.S., there are lots of signs about the ZipLoc bag, but no enforcement of this stupid, watching-in-the-rear-view-mirror rule. I carried my full-size contact lens solution, full-size tube of toothpaste, deodorant (gel), and other dangerous personal hygiene needs in my toiletry bag, in my carry-on, without a sideways glance from the security folk on a Canadian domestic flight, and a few months ago, on a Canada-Europe flight. No X-raying shoes, either.

I can't remember the source to hyperlink it now, but I do recall seeing an article that linked the current nonsense about liquids to information that was harvested from someone under "extreme duress" interrogation after illegal kidnapp... err... extraordinary rendition. The front-line people may not write the rules, but those who do would benefit from half a brain to really protect those who fly.

The insane rules regarding bringing liquid on board an airplane, combined with some people's insane panic at seeing a woman breastfeed on a plane (OMG BOOBIES!), makes it practically impossible to take small children on a flight.

Of course, whatever the airlines lose from me by not having my family as customers, they're going to get back when they apply for another Federal bailout....

One thing I'm planning to try next time I fly is to be completely transparent in my personal effects. The zip-lock-for-fluids thing is strange, we all agree, but I'm looking forward to wearing nothing at all, except a full-size zip-lock bag my grandmother knit for me when I was younger. I know what you're thinking -- "Surely it won't still fit, because that was when you were younger." Well, I'm hoping that even though it is a little bit snug in a few places, I'll still pass through security quicker with no "clothes" to remove. And the best part is, because Gram loved making one-piece suits with little feet attached, I won't have to take off my shoes (no shoes!). If this works for me, I've got a pretty profitable little scheme. Look for the Zip-Lock Travel Suit at airport shop by next Christmas. (Hint: fits in a stocking, too.)

A related example of Why There is No Hope:

Several years ago, post 9/11 but before the quart-bag looniness, I overheard this exchange at a ticketing/baggage check-in counter...

[Airline employee] Has anyone put anything into your luggage without your knowledge?

[Passenger, puzzled] If it was without my knowledge, how could I tell?

[AE, with exaggerated patience, as if talking to a small child] Well sir, that's why we ask.

I just left philly and was searched by a tsa worker, the thing that i didn't and still do not understand is, she unzipped my makeup bag, took two things of lipstick,that probably weighed 3ozs together, but she let me take my eyeliner sharpener with the blade attached on board. Can someone help me make some sense out of this ziplock bag business.

Clearly the TSA empoloyee liked the shade of your lipstick and doesn't wear eyeliner.

I just got back from a trip this weekend. At the airport of departure I went through security with a gallon size zipping makeup bag (transparent). No questions asked, no comments, only smiles and the knowledge that all was going as planned. In my defense, I honestly thought the gallon size was allowed.

On the way through security on my return flight, I was told that I had to take out what I want to keep and put it in a ziplock bag (which they were kind enough to provide) and they would take the rest off my hands for me. Not only was I not permitted to bring 1/2 of my stuff back with me, but I had to give it up knowing that I had flown down with it just as full and had even flown the previous weekend with the same bag and same toiletries! As a side note, I was really upset that they took my tide-pen. Thank goodness they were able to keep me from getting future stains out of my clothing!

Really, is this necessary?