Joho the Blog
An Entry from the Archives

I passingly daydreamed this morning about winning a new Hummer in a contest advertised on one of the items in our refrigerator. After paying the tax, what the hell would I do with a Hummer? Selling itwould just pass its demonic demand for fuel on to someone else.

No, the only moral option would be to dismantle it and bury its parts in graveyards scattered across multiple continents. But then, one day in the not so distant future, a call might be issued via SkyNet, and the pieces of all the buried Hummers would claw their way out of their graves and assemble themselves into a robotic army to claim the Earth as their destiny.

Maybe they'd make nice planters instead. [Tags: hummers environment al_gore]

While I'm going all Hollywood, I had an idea this morning for the next blockbuster, so I'm blogging this to stake my claim on this Billion Dollar Idea™.

It's a movie called "No See 'Ems." (Yes, I had this idea while out running, trying to breath by only exhaling.) Swarms of teensy bugs mutate. Get bitten by a bunch of them - you never know they're there - and at first you feel really good, but then you slowly deteriorate into Pennzoil engine gunk. (The product tie-ins alone could finance the movie!) Once the government is persuaded by hunky Drs. Jolie and Pitt that the threat is real, they send in a heavily armed hit squad, led personally by Gov. Ahnuld. He unleashes the heavy personal mounted atop his Hummer, but they're just wee bugs. And you can't see 'em. So, Ahnold gets the Pennzoil treatment. The crisis grows until we figure out their one vulnerability, which is Raid (product placement bonanza!), or fly swatters,or circling the globe with sticky paper, or some damn thing. All I know is that it requires Dr. Jolie to fight in a strategically torn medical outfit and things go blowy-uppy at the end.