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September 13, 2016

Top Ten Names for Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Ice Cream

Top 10 new names for Ben & Jerry’s coffee ice cream to convince them to bring it back. #BringBackCoffee @benandjerryspdx

10. Coffee Hold the Gimmicks

9 . Coffee with OMG SO MUCH Cream and Sugar. Also, It’s Frozen.

8. Coffee Uncrunchy

7. St. Agnes‘ Coffee Purity

6. Coffee Coffee Reanimation

5. Larry David’s I Said I Don’t Want Anything In My Cone Except Coffee

4. Coffee Shutup

3. Jack Nicholson’s Coffee and Chicken Salad Sandwich on Wheat Toast

2. What Part of Coffee Do You Not Understand?

1. Just Fucking Coffee

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October 19, 2015

Seven questions for Chock Full o’ Nuts

  1. Who buys this?

  2. Why did I buy it?

  3. Why would any major store give it shelf space?

  4. Can someone please get its lying jingle out of my head? (“Better coffee a millionaire’s money can’t buy.”)

  5. Can someone please get its bitter tastelessness out of my mouth?

  6. In ten years when I am about to give it another try, would someone please send me a link to this post?

  7. WHERE ARE THE NUTS YOU PROMISED?


Photo linked to a 404 page at WNYC by Sheri at Flickr.com who posted it with a CC license, saying that WNYC published it “with permission,” which doesn’t mean that it can be republished without permission, but who knows at this point? So if this is your goddamn “intellectual property” I am sooooo sorry for depriving you of all the money you were going to make from this glorious piece of work. Also, thank you.

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