Chuck Norris cracks walnuts in his six pack … and obediently feeds them to James Franco.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice. James Franco whistled infinity three times, while mastering Russian literature.

Chuck Norris can speak braille. Braille speaks back to James Franco, and by the end of the movie realizes it was in love with him all along.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. So can James Franco, but he doesn’t, because he’s too modest to show off like that insecure asshole Chuck Norris.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died, after being nursed through its ordeal by a compassionate James Franco.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. But then James Franco opens them again because he finds them to be a fascinating Western manifestation of the East’s eternal mandala.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. Death then went to James Franco to talk through the experience.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with the piano. James Franco can’t do that, but, unlike Chuck Norris, he can convincingly play any part he is given.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. James Franco does not sleep. There’s too much to learn, too many ideas to ponder, too many feelings to feel, too many people to help…

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. James Franco had long conversations with the Virgin Islands, really got to know them, and established a life-long friendship that has mutually enriched their lives.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. James Franco can piss Chuck Norris’ name into piss.

Chuck Norris sued the kid who posted the original Chuck Norris jokes site. James Franco will undoubtedly take time out from the 64 credits he’s taking at Columbia to invite the inventor of James Franco Chuck Norris Jokes over for a beer.