Joho the Blog » The Two-Thirds Life Crisis

The Two-Thirds Life Crisis

I am coming to grips with the sticker shock of hitting my 40th birthday. Unfortunately, I’m 57.

This inconvenient truth is born home by Doc Searls‘ recent “incident.” [More from Doc here, here, here, and here.) I am one of the absurd number of people who count Doc as a close friend. I happened to be in the conference room when the pain in his chest got too strong to ignore. He called the Harvard health folks who said it might be a good time to stagger on over. So, I walked him there. It’s the least the second oldest person in the room could do. Not to mention, that way I found out as soon as possible what was going on with him, which turned out to be a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot that had traveled to his lungs), which was treated quickly and well.

Boston is a good city to get sick in.

Doc’s doing well, thank heavens. He blogged a couple of days after the incident that he’s resolved to start taking better care of himself. Good. We want Doc around for many decades, purely for selfish reasons.

Doc is in the midst of what I guess we should called a Two-Thirds Life Crisis because it comes some time after the Midlife Crisis. I’ve been through my own, having eaten my way into Type 2 diabetes a couple of years ago. I resolved to start taking better care of myself, and, fortunately, you can no longer use my blood to top off your pancakes in the morning. I’m actually in better shape than before. (Irony alert: I’ll probably drop dead this afternoon, just to give y’all something to blog about.)

Anyway, here, is a handy comparison chart:

 

The Male Midlife Crisis

The Male Two-Thirds Life Crisis

Occurs in your 40’s

Occurs in your late 50’s or early 60’s

Brought on by hearing your songs played on the oldies station

Brought on by hearing your cardiologist going “tut tut,” and then realizing that your cardiologist is 15 years younger than you.

Can’t believe you’re not twenty years younger

Can’t believe you’ve only got twenty years left

Purchase sports car in desperate attempt to appear young

After catching yourself in a mirror, you give away your baseball cap and shorts because you realize you’re too old for camp

Work on abs

Work on cholesterol

Ready to prove to the ladies that you’re still in your sexual prime

Continue lifelong redefinition of “sexual prime.”

Learn (= pretend) to like hip hop

Learn your parents were right about Duke Ellington

50 seems really old.

50 seems really old.

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12 Responses to “The Two-Thirds Life Crisis”

  1. Loved this piece especially the only 20 years left bit, (I’m a day younger than the Doc). In my thoughts I keep dividing my current wealth by 20 and thinking I should be spending it. I’m a firm believer in SKIing (Spend Kids Inheritance)…

  2. Kids. (Go on Medicare this year.)

  3. Frightening but true. Its all about making the most of it. Understanding yourself and being true to yourself. Getting good therapy and then doing what you were really born to do, not what your parents hammered into you ! :O)

    Peace

  4. As the female half of a couple well past the middle of our “twenty years left,” I am tempted to draft a third column for your table, labeled NOT DEAD YET.

    — Occurs in mid to late 70s

    — Brought on by hearing your adult children refer to themselves as OLD

    — Can’t believe how many younger friends and relatives are already deceased

    — After catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, quote Jimmy Buffet’s line about the mirror that lies: “That can’t be me in that gorilla disguise.”

    — Work on flexibility and stamina, and consider buying a hearing aid.

    — Continue lifelong redefinition of “sexual prime”

    — Try to tell your grandchildren what popular music was like before Elvis, and they ask “Who’s Elvis?”

    — Realize that 80 doesn’t seem all that old anymore

  5. “We want Doc around for many decades, purely for selfish reasons”.

    To which I say a hearty “hear, hear”.

  6. Loved this piece especially the only 20 years left bit, (I’m a day younger than the Doc). In my thoughts I keep dividing my current wealth by 20 and thinking I should be spending it. I’m a firm believer in SKIing (Spend Kids Inheritance)…

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  10. Bull shit, buy drugs then no crisis.

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