20 things I’ve stolen
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I took an extra napkin from a Taco Bell for unspecified use “later.”
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I sat on a bench on a hot day, enjoying the breeze as the man next to me fanned himself.
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I read the headlines of a newspaper that was for sale in a kiosk box.
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I divided a single-serving DingDong in two, and had it for dessert on two consecutive days.
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I listened all the way through to a Metallica song emanating from my neighbor’s radio, but closed my window when the commercial came on.
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I remembered the movie times in my newspaper from the day before so I wouldn’t have to buy a copy of the paper today.
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When a friend’s cat chose my lap to sit in, I petted it, precisely to discourage it from moving to the lap of its rightful owner.
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I said “What a long, strange trip it’s been” without air quotes.
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On the Amtrak “quiet car,” I listened to a man in the seat ahead of me explaining to the bored woman next to him how he gets such a great shine on his shoes. I have since used his technique, successfully.
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I have stared carefully at reproductions of great paintings.
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I asked for and received a “tasting spoon” of mint pistachio ice cream, anticipating, correctly, that I would not like it.
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I smelled the aromatherapy candles through their wrappings at the Stop ‘n’ Shop.
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Frequently have I browsed stores with absolutely no intent to purchase. On some such occasions, I have felt fabrics I did not intend to buy.
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I placed a bag on the seat next to me on the subway.
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I continued to wear in public running shoes after the Nike “swoosh” wore off.
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In a Italian restaurant, I entered their “win a free lunch” contest by putting into the jar a business card from a job I had recently left, with my new phone number written in by hand.
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I have retold the joke about the man who meets a pirate in a bar without ever once explicitly acknowledging that I was not its author.
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I gazed with lust at another man’s bikini-clad wife.
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I deeply inhaled the smell of popcorn in a movie theater, but I did not buy any.
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One late summer evening, I purposefully and with intent committed to memory the purple of the clouds. That I still remember the edge of the chill was unpremeditated, however.
Categories: digital rights, humor
Be careful.
No. 18 can have unpleasant repercussions, though probably not from the “bikini clad wife”. Some sins are better left unconfessed. : )
[...] Stop Thieving Sense Filed under: Uncategorized — John A Arkansawyer @ 2:04 pm I listened all the way through to a Metallica song emanating from my neighbor’s radio, but closed … [...]
This was beautiful, David.
… and funny! And sensitive. And very creative. You’re a very good writer. But you knew that. Thanks for the insights and the smiles.
whoa-brillbrillbrill, thanks for the mornin’ aufheitern
Thank you for restoring my faith in human kind again.
That gets you life in copywriters’ prison.
It reminds me of the fable about the poor student who subsisted only on rice but savored it all the more because he lived above a restaurant. The owner of the establishment took him to court for consuming the aroma of the food for free. The judge ordered the student to jingle some coins near the restaurateur’s ear, compensating him for the smell of his food with the sound of money.
[...] http://www.hyperorg.com/blogger/2008/08/03/20-things-ive-stolen/ [...]
Priceless! (oops, guess I stole that one for you!) ;)
[...] David Weinberger fesss up to some thefts he’s done [...]
[...] So, what have you stolen? [...]
This was simply… fantastic!
Ahh, this put a wee smile on my face today. Great post.
[...] grande ironia e poesia le 20 cose che Weinberger ha rubato (DA NON [...]
Maybe it’s OK to take that napkin from Taco Bell if you wipe your ass with it later.
I read someone’s blog about things he’s stolen when I should have been working. And I am just a little bit wiser after having read it.
Disengenous.
There are enough substantial reasons for the reform of copyright and change of digital rights without muddying the waters with this.
Let me provide my response.
1. This is theft. Unless the owner provides permission. Just because you aren’t prosecuted, doesn’t make it a crime. Also, is a physical item and copyright doesn’t apply ri a new use of a physical item, just a new use of the intellectual property contained on a physical item.
2. Not IP. Also public property.
3. Intended use.
etc….
With the exception of 20. That is theft, and you should make recompense to the owner or face punishment. Just make sure you forward the check to the right address, as the owner doesn’t take fatted calfs and lambs anymore.
A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says “Excuse me, but did you know that you’ve got a steering wheel stuck in your pants?”
“I know,” says the pirate, “it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
So, what’s the secret to a great shoe shine?
[...] read this on Boing Boing and thought it was so interesting! My favorite is #8 with the “air [...]
My favorite one is the lack of air quotes. How dare you! ;) And I can’t imagine having a single serving dessert on two days - you have some willpower!
You’re a filthy, filthy thief. You know that?
But anyway, what’s the secret to the shoe-shine? I’m curious too.
I think with #18, the person doing the thieving is actually the woman in the bikini. Your gazing, if noticed, could provide a boost to her ego, an additional value of the bikini.
I’m going to tell my wife about this - and I’m not going acknowledge you as the author.
#20 is beautiful.
I’ve just stolen a tiny bit of a happy feeling I guess.. but I will say thank you.. so.. um.. thank you.
(btw.. do you really say aufheitern??)
[...] Joho the Blog » 20 things I’ve stolen. [...]
you really need to get a life!!
Dude these are great–little haikus of freedom in a corporate-driven world. Keep going with the list and keep on “borrowing” the “best things in life.”
BTW, I give myself a regular ghetto spa. I use aromatherapy samples in stores to cure headaches without buying the product. I also put chocolate sprinkles in steamed milk to create a drink I didn’t order. Life is full of free samples if you know where to find them.
This list is great.
What’s the pirate joke?
I love the article, but as an avid advocate of shoe shining to discourage waste by increasing the lifespan of shoes…
What’s the secret?
Loved your list until I got to #18. What exactly have you stolen? What is the bikini-clad wife “selling” that her husband has presumably “bought”? I know the world is free from sexism and the notion that women are for sale so I was just wondering…
[...] around on the Interwebs, I came across this guy who has stolen 20 things and he’s not at all guilty about it. Here’s the first ten in his list. I took an [...]
[i]compensating him for the smell of his food with the sound of money.[/i]
Sir, I demand compensation for the unauthorized retelling of my joke!
François Rabelais
Dave — you’re now officially the William Carlos Williams of the Internet Age.
http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15535
This list was the highlight of my day. I stole something a few years ago. A friend and I got some coffee from Dunkin Donuts and about 5 blocks away I realized that I needed some sugar (Dunkin coffee, not so good) and we passed a Starbucks so I went in their with my Dunkin coffee cup and helped myself to the raw sugar on the bar. I still to this day have no regret.
[...] Via Boing Boing comes this link to Joho the Blog’s “20 Things I’ve Stolen.” [...]
[...] 20 things I’ve stolen Read the source » Share and Enjoy: [...]
Ofcourse I have stolen many things in life, but only through internet lol!!!! There is so much os stuff to steal from the internet, ideas, views, images, video etc….. it will go on and not stop……
Steal sounds a bad word, right? But change into another way, let God steal our sadness, war, fairlessness….
visit can you basket..