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New Chuck Norris jokes

After reading Chuck Norris’ two columns against hate crimes legislation (1 2) —the “Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act…could not only criminalize opinions (an unconstitutional act) but also provide elevated protection to pedophiles” — and Media Matters’ response, I think it’s time for a new round of Chuck Norris jokes:

Chuck Norris can crush facts with his bare opinions.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to leap to conclusions. He just sits there and conclusions leap to him.

Chuck Norris thinks homosexuality is a choice, but his oiled, bare chest isn’t so sure.

You think those jokes are lame? Me too. But that’s why Chuck Norris gave us comment sections…

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38 Responses to “New Chuck Norris jokes”

  1. Interesting that Chuck Norris is currently only relevant as a meme for jokes of varing quality. His distortion of the facts is certainly no more valid than that of anyone else.

  2. I’m so happy to see liberals have decided that the longstanding principle of double jeopardy is no longer relevant. Clearly, the country is in the best of hands when we can prosecute until the “right” result comes up…

  3. Haha funny post David. Chuck Norris always provides comic relief. Heres a couple things i bet you did not know. Did you know there is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. Oh Chuck Norris haha..

    Btw I just stumbled and submitted your blog to viralogy. Hope it brings you a lot of new readers!

    -Raj

  4. Funny stuff …

  5. Chuck Norris can get an A* on a foundation paper.

  6. Darth Vader actually stole one of Chuck Norrises 6 balls……and renamed it the Death Star

  7. Chuck Norris is the reason the Devil is underground

  8. News Flash! Extinct species found in Chuck’s chin!
    Other News! Cave paintings in Brazil have found that there god had a large chin and was shown roundhouse kicking Antartica south!

  9. Chuck Norris was born before his father. Hope u liked all the comments, all i could think of at the moment.

  10. chuck norris can bend time with his finger.

  11. the world doesen’t move by gravitation.
    it moves by chuck norris’ morning stroll.

  12. In 1778, Chuck Norris got mad at the state of jersey for saying his name in vain. He roundhouse kicked it so hard it became New Jersey.

  13. Chuck Norris can make mummies talk.

  14. Chuck Norris does not think. He knows everything….

  15. The only thing Chuck Norris and Obama agree on is that Kanye West is indeed a jackass.

  16. When God said, “Let there be light,” Chuck Norris said, “Say please.”

  17. When Chuck Norris’ life ends, he didn’t actually die…. he just took Gods’ place

  18. Good ones !! Did you know that Chuck Norris is the only one aloud to rip the tag off of a mattress???? Chuck RULES!!!

  19. Chuck Norris lost his wallet on the set Pulp Fiction. Samual Jackson found it. Bad Motherfucker!!!!!

  20. There is a santa claus because chuck norris said so!
    I can do all things through chuck norris.
    Life, Liberty, and chuck norris for all.
    Chuck norris killed Abel.
    Chuck norris can buy happiness.
    Chuck norris killed freddy Krueger in his dreams.
    God prays to chuck norris at night before he goes to bed.

  21. Its not an earthquake its just chuck norris having a migraine.

  22. what happens in vegas stays in vegas, unless you’re chuck norris and then what happens in vegas is murder.

  23. Did u knw that when chuck norris does a pushup he doesnt push himself up….he just pushes the ground down!

  24. If you have 5 pounds and Chuck Norris has 5 pounds, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

  25. There are many things money can buy, for everything else, there’s chuck norris

  26. Chuck Norris is the reasn why grown men cry.

  27. chuck norris secretly sleeps with every girl on earth once a month, the bleed for a week as a result..

  28. chuck norris is the reason why waldo is hideing.
    god can walk on water chuck norris can swim on land
    there is no theory of evoution just the things chuck norris has allowed to live.
    chuck norris doesnt read he stares at the book untill it becomes a movie.
    chuck norris show is called walker: texas ranger because chuck norris never runs.
    chuck norris is currently sueing myspace for takeing what he calls “everything around you”

    theres a few enjoy

  29. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That’s why there are no signs of life there

  30. Chuck Norris had a staring contest with his reflection and after three days it backed off

  31. Chuck Norris or he’ll chuck you too

  32. Not by me…..
    Chuck Norris always does things and never even tries that’s why he hates rugby

  33. not by me….
    Chuck Norris doesnt read a book….. He stares at it until he gets the information he wants

  34. Chuck Norris jumps into the bath….
    so that the water doesnt run away

  35. John F Kennedy didnt get assasinated…
    Chuck Norris deflected the bullets with his beard and John F Kennedy’s head blew up in amazement

  36. Chuck Norris wears sun glasses to protect the sun from his eyes

  37. Undoubtedly a brand new thumbs upward. Best of luck ! Summer Camp

  38. every time I listened or maybe examine a write-up I came across intriguing factors which helped me to produce. Many thanks!

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