April 20, 2017
April 20, 2017
April 12, 2017
(An unauthorized, unapproved homage to The Cluetrain Manifesto).
A powerful global reaccommodation has begun. Corporations are rediscovering themselves in their muscular masculinity. For we are the makers, the takers, and above all else, we are the winners. Customers, employees, the needy, the vulnerable are, by definition, the losers. Each one of them would gladly trade their seat for one of the tufted leather chairs in our CEO’s office. Instead, make sure your pathetic seatbacks are returned to their upright position, your trays are stowed, and you’re buckled in. For this is your pilot speaking, and we’re ready to fly the friendly skies of “PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM, MOTHERFUCKER!”
1. No official affilliation with Cluetrain.
2. Thanks to Frank Scavo (@fscavo) and Alan Lepofsky (@alanlepo) for the prod and the idea.
3. Also posted at Medium
4. Photo posted to Pixabay by JayClark1. CC0 – Public Domain.
Categories: cluetrain, humor, marketing Tagged with: airplanes • marketing • united
Date: April 12th, 2017 dw
April 11, 2017
March 22, 2017
January 13, 2017
My conspiracy theory: The purported dossier on Trump says the Russians have been cultivating him for five years. Suppose they were pressuring him to run. As a true patriot, Trump knew how disastrous it would be to have a Russian puppet as President. So, Trump did everything he could as a candidate to make himself unelectable: in his announcement speech he called Mexicans rapists, he made fun of the disabled, he called McCain a loser for being captured. He just kept upping the ante. And then we elected him.
Put differently, let me pitch a movie idea to you. It’s The Manchurian Candidate meets The Producers.
October 3, 2016
I of course don’t know anything that you don’t about Game of Thrones. In fact, I know considerably less since I can’t keep any of the characters or backstory straight. Also, I have not read the books. And when there’s exposition explaining something like exactly why one of the guys with a scraggly beard is angry at the red-head who likes to take off her top, I check my email, see what’s up at DailyKos, and maybe get myself some Fritos.
Nevertheless, with all of the confidence of an ignorant man, I am quite certain of how it ends:
Blondie-with-Dragons mounts the Pointy Throne, frees the slaves and reforms Obamacare, and then dies, at which point the handsome dwarfy guy is given a boost and becomes the tiny perfect mayor of all of West Oreos.
Come back in a couple of years and be amaaaazed!
September 13, 2016
Top 10 new names for Ben & Jerry’s coffee ice cream to convince them to bring it back. #BringBackCoffee @benandjerryspdx
10. Coffee Hold the Gimmicks
9 . Coffee with OMG SO MUCH Cream and Sugar. Also, It’s Frozen.
8. Coffee Uncrunchy
7. St. Agnes‘ Coffee Purity
6. Coffee Coffee Reanimation
5. Larry David’s I Said I Don’t Want Anything In My Cone Except Coffee
4. Coffee Shutup
3. Jack Nicholson’s Coffee and Chicken Salad Sandwich on Wheat Toast
2. What Part of Coffee Do You Not Understand?
1. Just Fucking Coffee
Categories: culture, humor, marketing Tagged with: coffee • humor • ice cream • protest movement
Date: September 13th, 2016 dw
August 14, 2016
I’d think that this is based on things people have actually tried to shove into Coinstar slots, except I don’t see “fishing line with gum at its end” or “your dick”on the list.
(Tip o’ the hat to my brother Andy who definitely was not trying to “redeem” 70,000 #6 steel washers.)
Categories: everythingIsMiscellaneous, humor Tagged with: eim • humor • lists
Date: August 14th, 2016 dw
May 17, 2016
It’ll end when the Republicans have this conversation with their daughters:
January 23, 2016
My brother Andy points to a New Yorker humor post by John Quaintance about the original intent of the Second Amendment. It’s simultaneously hilarious and sad.
Then, in the righthand column there’s a link to an Andy Borowitz post with an Onion-esque title that I enjoyed:
And while we’re on the subject of terribly sad mirth, here’s Colbert’s hilarious impersonation of the First Hockey Mom’s rhetorical style / way of thinking: