The new edition of the Philosophical Lexicon is out. Compiled by Daniel Dennett and Asbjørn Steglich-Petersen, the PL compiles witty definitions of philosophers’ names. It focuses on recent philosophers, and it’s full of in jokes, almost all of which I don’t get.

Here are some samples:

rand, n. An angry tirade occasioned by mistaking philosophical disagreement for a personal attack and/or evidence of unspeakable moral corruption. “When I questioned his second premise, he flew into a rand.” Also, to attack or stigmatise through a rand. “When I defended socialised medicine, I was randed as a communist.”

turing, v. To travel from one point to another in simple, discrete steps, without actually knowing where one is going, or why. Hence, turing machine, n. A form of transportation that became popular with adventurous but aimless souls without motorcycles in the 1960s. Also tur, n. Such a travel; used especially metaphorically, “Searle’s lecture comprised a grand tur of every inconceivable position in the literature, and ironically “The latest book on connectionism is a real tur de feys”.

Isn’t this the sort of thing we’d do as a wiki these days? (BTW, I am listed as one of the many contributors, but it had to be 25 years ago and I don’t remember which is mine. Buber, maybe?)

[Tags: humor philosophy ]

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The Guardian turns 9 photos of Bush at the Olympics into LOLcats. Funny!

[Tags: guardian lolcats bush ]

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Stuart Shepard of Focus on the Family says he was aiming at being “mildly humorous” in his video asking “lots of people” to pray for “torrential” rain two minutes before Obama gives his outdoor acceptance speech, an aim I think Shepard achieved:

Apparently, this video has gotten some people bent out of shape, but I think we ought to take Shepard up on it. He says that even though some other people will be praying that the weather be clear and mild, “it’s not a contest.” Well, why not? Let’s have a good old-fashioned Ba’al smackdown. Let’s all put on our prayer caps*, and if there isn’t a torrential rain exactly two minutes before Obama speaks, we’ll know which side G-d is on. Then, both sides can stop campaigning as the voters dutifully ratify G-d’s will.

So, no torrential rain two minutes before Obama speaks means the Republicans have to acknowledge that the Creator prefers the Democrat. I’m ready to take that bet!

*Attire may vary by religion. Consult your local priest, rabbi, imam, or Tom Cruise for details. Children of G-d are ineligible to enter. In case of dispute, whether the rain was “torrential” will be decided by an interfaith panel of meteorologists. “Two minutes before” will be interpreted as meaning two minutes before Obama is standing on his network-assigned mark. Given G-d’s well-known punctuality, but factoring in the time it takes for rain to descend, there will be a 3 second grace period given, so to speak. In case of tie, the winner will be decided by seeing whether the Republican convention is hit with a plague of lobbyists.

[Tags: politics obama prayer humor ]

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Today’s English lesson: Are the people in this video geeks, nerds, or dorks?

Answer: They are geeks who are not ashamed of appearing dorky, if it will further their nerdy loves.

(Asbestos: I love this video. I think it ought to be shown right next to the Sesame Street song about how a bill becomes law.) [Tags: geeks nerds physics cern ]

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I hadn’t heard of this highly existential and meaningful comic strip until I read a comment about a BoingBoing piece on a different strip that it calls the worst ever.

Tags: garfield comics

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1. I took an extra napkin from a Taco Bell for unspecified use “later.”

2. I sat on a bench on a hot day, enjoying the breeze as the man next to me fanned himself.

3. I read the headlines of a newspaper that was for sale in a kiosk box.

4. I divided a single-serving DingDong in two, and had it for dessert on two consecutive days.

5. I listened all the way through to a Metallica song emanating from my neighbor’s radio, but closed my window when the commercial came on.

6. I remembered the movie times in my newspaper from the day before so I wouldn’t have to buy a copy of the paper today.

7. When a friend’s cat chose my lap to sit in, I petted it, precisely to discourage it from moving to the lap of its rightful owner.

8. I said “What a long, strange trip it’s been” without air quotes.

9. On the Amtrak “quiet car,” I listened to a man in the seat ahead of me explaining to the bored woman next to him how he gets such a great shine on his shoes. I have since used his technique, successfully.

10. I have stared carefully at reproductions of great paintings.

11. I asked for and received a “tasting spoon” of mint pistachio ice cream, anticipating, correctly, that I would not like it.

12. I smelled the aromatherapy candles through their wrappings at the Stop ‘n’ Shop.

13. Frequently have I browsed stores with absolutely no intent to purchase. On some such occasions, I have felt fabrics I did not intend to buy.

14. I placed a bag on the seat next to me on the subway.

15. I continued to wear in public running shoes after the Nike “swoosh” wore off.

16. In a Italian restaurant, I entered their “win a free lunch” contest by putting into the jar a business card from a job I had recently left, with my new phone number written in by hand.

17. I have retold the joke about the man who meets a pirate in a bar without ever once explicitly acknowledging that I was not its author.

18. I gazed with lust at another man’s bikini-clad wife.

19. I deeply inhaled the smell of popcorn in a movie theater, but I did not buy any.

20. One late summer evening, I purposefully and with intent committed to memory the purple of the clouds. That I still remember the edge of the chill was unpremeditated, however.

[Tags: copyright ]

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Via Slashdot (with a link to the authenticating photo):

“Preparing for English-speaking visitors, a restaurant in China recently ran its name through an online translator, took the result, then purchased and mounted a large sign displaying the English version of their name: Translate Server Error.”

[Tags: humor ]

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A current Twitter conversation topic: Is the daily comic F Minus the rightful heir to the Far Side?

[Tags: far_side f_minus comics ]

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The Guardian’s satire of citizen media has some biting lines, but it’ll be interesting to see how funny — that is, truthful — it seems in, say, five years.

[Tags: satire media journalism citizen_journalism ]

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Not only that, I am famous for being unknown.

This video is just weird, and pretty funny, although being the butt of the joke undoubtedly affects my judgment. That is, being skewered skews…

Apparently, I’ve been punked ut good.. Good one!

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My friend Hanan Cohen in Israel reports that because of the pettiness of the prime minister’s fraud, he’s now known as LOLmert.

[Tags: israel olmert ]

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http://www.koreus.com/video/telephone-portable-mais-popcorn.html

Yikes.

Anti-yikes

[Tags: cell_phones mobiles pop_corn brain_cells ]

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From gigbert (via Paul English (email)):

looking for a monkey who can bang on my keyboard to try to find the one random sequence of characters that is not yet taken as a domain name

The gig offers $100.

[Tags: humor monkey dns ]

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Would we not then be YouTubers?

(Amazingly, the query youtuber “coach potato” only turns up 4 hits, none of which are making this bad joke. Am I getting my Google syntax wrong??)

(And if it’s not clear why it’s a joke at all, look up “tuber.” See? Hahaha.)

[Tags: humor media youtube ]

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Very funny nerdy YouTube, via Dave Winer.

[Tags: humor ]

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I liked this video from That Mitchell and Webb Look:

[Tags: mitchell_and_webb humor ]

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I’ve been enjoying the Public Service Administration’s Election 08 satires. The Message To Ralph and Bass Motives are very funny, as well as the better known parody of the Yes We Can video. Warning: Totally Obama slanted. In fact, I think their anti-Hillary stuff is the weakest of the lot (well, the Monty Python mashup is funny).

[Tags: satire humor politics obama ]

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Kevin Marks on a mailing list raised an idea for a t-shirt:

This is a reference to David Isenberg’s “Rise of the Stupid Network” idea. So, if you wear it, you’ll know that anyone who laughs at it is a team member.

[Tags: kevin_marks david_isenberg t-shirts ]

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I’ve just sent out a new issue of my newsletter, JOHO. (You can sign up to receive it via email, for free of course, here.)

[Tags: joho attention history roflcon humor woodstock media ethan_zuckerman teaching john_palfrey ]

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This BoingBoing gadget lets you smash corporate shillery in a most amusing way.

[Tags: marketing games boingboing ]

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I am coming to grips with the sticker shock of hitting my 40th birthday. Unfortunately, I’m 57.

This inconvenient truth is born home by Doc Searls‘ recent “incident.” [More from Doc here, here, here, and here.) I am one of the absurd number of people who count Doc as a close friend. I happened to be in the conference room when the pain in his chest got too strong to ignore. He called the Harvard health folks who said it might be a good time to stagger on over. So, I walked him there. It's the least the second oldest person in the room could do. Not to mention, that way I found out as soon as possible what was going on with him, which turned out to be a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot that had traveled to his lungs), which was treated quickly and well.

Boston is a good city to get sick in.

Doc's doing well, thank heavens. He blogged a couple of days after the incident that he's resolved to start taking better care of himself. Good. We want Doc around for many decades, purely for selfish reasons.

Doc is in the midst of what I guess we should called a Two-Thirds Life Crisis because it comes some time after the Midlife Crisis. I've been through my own, having eaten my way into Type 2 diabetes a couple of years ago. I resolved to start taking better care of myself, and, fortunately, you can no longer use my blood to top off your pancakes in the morning. I'm actually in better shape than before. (Irony alert: I'll probably drop dead this afternoon, just to give y'all something to blog about.)

Anyway, here, is a handy comparison chart:

[Tags: midlife doc_searls aging old_farts ]

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Attention, passengers. We are now 15 minutes from landing. Please turn off any electronic equipment, make sure your seat belt is buckled, your seat is returned to an upright and locked position, and any carry-on luggage is safely stowed under the seat in front of you.

For our Deluxe Elite passengers, please return your footrests to their stowed position, and turn your stemware in to the attendant who will shortly be coming down the aisle with your choice of mints and Belgian chocolates. Also, turn off and stow your media entertainment console, reduce your back massage to off or low, and make sure your balloon hats are safely secured around your head, as loose headgear can disturb the poodles. If you are seated next to one of the surprise celebrities strewn about the cabin, now would be a good time to exchange telephone numbers, unless you’re seated next to Bono, in which case be advised that he is happy to accept your contribution in the African denomination of your choice. Those of you traveling with small children should have them begin to say goodbye to their clowns, and please don’t forget your pony vouchers. Feel free to keep your travel tiara for your next trip, with our compliments. And now, as we approach our destination, we ask you to please return your attendant to the upright and secured position.

It is, as always, our pleasure to serve you here in the luxurious skies.

[Tags: humor, travel]

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The Media Re:Public group at Berkmanhas announced a breakthrough technology that promises to take the “conference” out of “un-conference.”

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Solana Larsen has a fabulous idea. For those of us vegetarians who love faux meat, why doesn’t a restaurant serve up something besides the usual mock chicken, beef, pork, etc.? Why not faux endangered species? Solana suggests a menu… [Tags: vegetarian solana_larsen food ]

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It came to me as if in a dream. They constructed Stonehenge by digging holes in the ground, dropping slabs into them, laying the crosspieces on the ground, and then excavating around the whole shebang.

Or, possibly, Superman built it for them. [Tags: stonehenge ridiculous_theories ]

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There’s nothing that makes you more intelligent than posing with your hand on your chin, although Martin Heidegger seems to have insisted on always posing with his finger pointing at his temple. But for mere mortals, it’s all about the chinposin’.

Read all about it here. And, as James Governor explains in an email: “To join simply follow @chinposin [at Tweeter], upload a chinposin avatar pic, then @reply @chinposin with “update”]

(Please forgive typos in this post. It’s hard to type when you’ve got one hand holding onto your chin to convince the people around you that you are bracingly intelligent.) [Tags: chinposin authority]

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During the first Bush administration — GB Sr. — when we feared Japan’s economic power, I heard the following joke:

Pres. Bush is in a car crash and is in a coma for six months. When he wakes up, VP Quayle is at the bedside. “Tell me how the country is doing,” asks a worried Pres. Bush. “Start with, say, education, because, as you recall, I am the education president.”

“It’s going great,” says Quayle. “Our math scores are up. Scores among the poor have caught up with the rich. More kids in college. All good.”

“That’s fantastic news. How about foreign policy?”

“Even better news, Mr. President. Peace in the Middle East. Justice in Africa. New global partnerships around the world.”

“Wow! I’m almost afraid to ask, but how’s the economy?”

“It’s doing fantastic. For example, you know that little French restaurant you and I sometimes go to? I was there yesterday. I had the full three course meal, with a decent glass of wine, and a cheese platter to finish, and the whole thing cost me just … um, yeah, it was just 2,000 yen.”

Search and replace on the old Bush for the new Bush, Cheney for Quayle…and yuan for yen. [Tags: humor bush jokes]

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The Onion lists and discusses 12 surprisingly controversial topics at Wikipedia. [Tags: wikipedia onion]

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I’m working on a review of a book about the Web and yesterday found that I’d written an opening paragraph that is a potential winner of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton award:

As the boa constrictor of culture swallows the large, furry mammal that is the Web, you can see the lump traveling further down the alimentary tract, getting more fully digested day by day. How you feel about books explaining the Web depends on where inside the snake (oh, metaphor, don’t let me down!) you are.

I’m confident that my new opening paragraph is better, simply because, well, it has no choice.

Can we please pretend I was joking?

[Tags: bad_writing snake_metaphors furry_mammals embarrassing_moments ]

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From The Onion. [Tags: politics humor satire diebold ]

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Click here for a dystopic taste of the future. (This page will not harm your sensibilities, your computer, or your ability to procreate.)

[Tags: net_neutrality comcast ]

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I give you yet another Million Dollar Idea for free: Color butter substitute so that it can act as a palette, enabling diners to create masterpieces on their toast.

Vincent Van Toast [Tags: butter toast humor ]

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Howard Rheingold has posted the front and back covers of his 1974 book, War of the Gurus. If you don’t look closely, you’ll think it’s written by the reporter-columnist, Jack Anderson. Google Books has nothing on it except that it also gives a credit to Kelly Freas, the great sf and MAD illustrator.

I’m guessing that Howard is the Kevin Bacon for the rest of us.

[Tags: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Anderson ]

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