March 22, 2017
March 22, 2017
January 13, 2017
My conspiracy theory: The purported dossier on Trump says the Russians have been cultivating him for five years. Suppose they were pressuring him to run. As a true patriot, Trump knew how disastrous it would be to have a Russian puppet as President. So, Trump did everything he could as a candidate to make himself unelectable: in his announcement speech he called Mexicans rapists, he made fun of the disabled, he called McCain a loser for being captured. He just kept upping the ante. And then we elected him.
Put differently, let me pitch a movie idea to you. It’s The Manchurian Candidate meets The Producers.
October 3, 2016
I of course don’t know anything that you don’t about Game of Thrones. In fact, I know considerably less since I can’t keep any of the characters or backstory straight. Also, I have not read the books. And when there’s exposition explaining something like exactly why one of the guys with a scraggly beard is angry at the red-head who likes to take off her top, I check my email, see what’s up at DailyKos, and maybe get myself some Fritos.
Nevertheless, with all of the confidence of an ignorant man, I am quite certain of how it ends:
Blondie-with-Dragons mounts the Pointy Throne, frees the slaves and reforms Obamacare, and then dies, at which point the handsome dwarfy guy is given a boost and becomes the tiny perfect mayor of all of West Oreos.
Come back in a couple of years and be amaaaazed!
September 13, 2016
Top 10 new names for Ben & Jerry’s coffee ice cream to convince them to bring it back. #BringBackCoffee @benandjerryspdx
10. Coffee Hold the Gimmicks
9 . Coffee with OMG SO MUCH Cream and Sugar. Also, It’s Frozen.
8. Coffee Uncrunchy
7. St. Agnes‘ Coffee Purity
6. Coffee Coffee Reanimation
5. Larry David’s I Said I Don’t Want Anything In My Cone Except Coffee
4. Coffee Shutup
3. Jack Nicholson’s Coffee and Chicken Salad Sandwich on Wheat Toast
2. What Part of Coffee Do You Not Understand?
1. Just Fucking Coffee
Categories: culture, humor, marketing Tagged with: coffee • humor • ice cream • protest movement
Date: September 13th, 2016 dw
August 14, 2016
I’d think that this is based on things people have actually tried to shove into Coinstar slots, except I don’t see “fishing line with gum at its end” or “your dick”on the list.
(Tip o’ the hat to my brother Andy who definitely was not trying to “redeem” 70,000 #6 steel washers.)
Categories: everythingIsMiscellaneous, humor Tagged with: eim • humor • lists
Date: August 14th, 2016 dw
May 17, 2016
It’ll end when the Republicans have this conversation with their daughters:
January 23, 2016
My brother Andy points to a New Yorker humor post by John Quaintance about the original intent of the Second Amendment. It’s simultaneously hilarious and sad.
Then, in the righthand column there’s a link to an Andy Borowitz post with an Onion-esque title that I enjoyed:
And while we’re on the subject of terribly sad mirth, here’s Colbert’s hilarious impersonation of the First Hockey Mom’s rhetorical style / way of thinking:
December 22, 2015
What a majestic creature! The wings beating like giant sails!
And not bald. Not even a comb-over, haha. Downy white feathers covering that majestic skull.
The beak does sort of look like a big nose, though.
Again this morning! I’d say within 15 mins of yesterday’s fly-by. A little higher up and more toward the center of the lake, but still majestic even from further away. I’d probably have to be like a mile away before I mistook it for a pigeon.
Winky barked as it soared past, although Winky barks at anything he finds interesting, and he’s blessed with an all-day curiosity.
It looked at me! Oh my, let me record the time exactly! It’s now 7:27, so it was probably at 7:24!
Ok, I’ve caught my breath. He flew by just a little past the Jurgenson’s raft, so that’s maybe 50 or 200 feet from me. Flapping those big wings. Looking straight ahead. And then as I leapt up from my chair, he definitely turned his head and looked right at me!
And not a little passing glance. He was studying me, taking my measure, judging my character. And I looked back at him. Resolute but with kindness. I wasn’t going to look away until he did, which took about maybe four seconds, or two to be scientific about it (I just timed four seconds on the ol’ Timex, and they take longer than you’d think). But your life can change in two seconds. How long is the first sight that love can happen in? It can’t be more than a second or two or it would be second sight, or maybe third.
My eagle and I definitely made a connection. Till death do us part! Well, Labor Day.
December 21, 2015
Socrates: The Extra Parmesanides
St. Augustine: Deep Dish Confessions
Nietzsche: Thus Spake ‘Za-thruster, the Pizza Delivery Guy
Martin Heidegger: Being and Slices
Bonus for Librarians: Ranganathan’s Five Laws of Pizza Science
Isaac Asimov: Three Rules of Pizzas
Suggested by Andromeda Yelton (@ThatAndromeda). Thanks!
September 13, 2015
Here’s this week’s New Yorker caption contest cartoon:
My hilarious caption? And I’m only telling you this because obviously there’s no change it’s going to be one of the chosen three:
Categories: humor Tagged with: driverless • google • humor • loser • new yorker
Date: September 13th, 2015 dw