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May 22, 2009

New Chuck Norris jokes

After reading Chuck Norris’ two columns against hate crimes legislation (1 2) —the “Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act…could not only criminalize opinions (an unconstitutional act) but also provide elevated protection to pedophiles” — and Media Matters’ response, I think it’s time for a new round of Chuck Norris jokes:

Chuck Norris can crush facts with his bare opinions.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to leap to conclusions. He just sits there and conclusions leap to him.

Chuck Norris thinks homosexuality is a choice, but his oiled, bare chest isn’t so sure.

You think those jokes are lame? Me too. But that’s why Chuck Norris gave us comment sections…

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January 21, 2008

John McCain vs. Chuck Norris

Oh please let Chuck Norris continue to continue to criticize John McCain!

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he pushes the earth down, but when John McCain does a pushup it hurts horribly because he was tortured as a POW.

When John McCain uses exercise equipment, he is exercising, not shilling some crappy product, like Chuck Norris.

Underneath John McCain’s wrinkles there is actual experience of the world, not like Chuck Norris.

When John McCain is a hero in a war, he’s a hero, not a D-rate actor profiting by merchandising violent, adolescent fantasies about war.

John McCain tells jokes, but he is not himself a joke, unlike Chuck Norris.

I’m not going to vote for John McCain but not because of his age or his character.

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