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Attention, passengers (How it sounds from coach)

Attention, passengers. We are now 15 minutes from landing. Please turn off any electronic equipment, make sure your seat belt is buckled, your seat is returned to an upright and locked position, and any carry-on luggage is safely stowed under the seat in front of you.

For our Deluxe Elite passengers, please return your footrests to their stowed position, and turn your stemware in to the attendant who will shortly be coming down the aisle with your choice of mints and Belgian chocolates. Also, turn off and stow your media entertainment console, reduce your back massage to off or low, and make sure your balloon hats are safely secured around your head, as loose headgear can disturb the poodles. If you are seated next to one of the surprise celebrities strewn about the cabin, now would be a good time to exchange telephone numbers, unless you’re seated next to Bono, in which case be advised that he is happy to accept your contribution in the African denomination of your choice. Those of you traveling with small children should have them begin to say goodbye to their clowns, and please don’t forget your pony vouchers. Feel free to keep your travel tiara for your next trip, with our compliments. And now, as we approach our destination, we ask you to please return your attendant to the upright and secured position.

It is, as always, our pleasure to serve you here in the luxurious skies.

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