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Pizza Philosophy

Socrates: The Extra Parmesanides

The unexamined pizza is probably still worth eating.

St. Augustine: Deep Dish Confessions

The mind commands the body and is instantly obeyed.

The mind commands itself and meets resistance.

The body commands pizza and it arrives within thirty minutes or it’s free. [“…ut servirem domino deo meo”]

Nietzsche: Thus Spake ‘Za-thruster, the Pizza Delivery Guy

The pizza that does not kill me makes me stronger.

If you gaze into a pizza, the pizza stares back at you. If you’re tripping balls.

Martin Heidegger: Being and Slices

“Dasein’s Being is always Being-toward-Pizza. Pizza stands before us as an ex-static project that discloses that which is Dasein’s ownmost, for no one can eat your pizza for you.”

Bonus for Librarians: Ranganathan’s Five Laws of Pizza Science

  1. Pizzas are for use

  2. For every eater, his pizza

  3. For every pizza, its eater

  4. Our warming oven saves time for the eater

  5. Our pizzas are totally organic

Isaac Asimov: Three Rules of Pizzas

Suggested by Andromeda Yelton (@ThatAndromeda). Thanks!

  1. A pizza may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

  2. A pizza must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

  3. A pizza must do ABSOLUTE NOTHING to protect its own existence as long as such lack of protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

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